Follow

There are decisions looming....

I want desperately to follow wherever it is You lead as long as it's not back...

A lot of times tho You refer to a turning back...to a yielding....a submitting.

So now I wait.....like Abraham giving You what I so desperately want to keep. It feels very hopeless and yet...Deuteronomy 31:8 says ⁸ The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

From a 'Walker' to Alive in Christ

I know you all are too young to watch Walking Dead and yet this is my only place to share:)

"Walkers" are Zombies. Well first off confession..i LOVE the Walking Dead. There it's out, Gigi is a, well I am hooked on the show.

It's about a time where there is an apocalyptic event, where in this 'virus' has invaded the earth. A virus where people die and then undergo the process of becoming Zombies/Walkers. Walkers are those whose bodies have died and their brains, parts of their brains underwent this change and now are the Walking Dead. With no thots other than survival. Will leave the how of survival to your own imagination or research on Zombies.

in the first season, those who somehow survived the 'virus' are together and working towards survival themselves. living in a world of Walkers who need the living to survive. They make their way to the Center for Disease control in Atlanta and come into the facility meeting the only survivor who has scientifically documented his wife's descent into becoming a Walker. He documents her death and then maps out the brain activity that turned her.

I feel like the reverse is true for...well for me, and that I am fighting the transference. Fighting the death of ME. or maybe it's already happened and the transference is happening and the synapses in my brain are changing......that i am coming out of the Zombie like state of walking around looking to and for my own survival into to a life of obedience, of following, of being devoted to Christ.

I don't know if this makes any sense and if anyone out there is a fan of the show and seeking Christ :/ perhaps we can dialogue about this. And together come to die so we can live.

I am a motorcycle rider, scratch that. My husband is a motorcycle rider and graciously allows me to accompany him on the back of the bike. ....confession...i have made a big point in our years together that THAT bike doesn't leave the driveway unless i am on the back. The gracious part stays, my husband shares his passion and talents with me with so much grace that i am overwhelmed.
confession....overwhelmd when i am not griping about simply looking at the back of his big ass helmet. yup instead of being grateful for what i see, where i have been, glorying in the freedom that sailing along on two wheels brings me i bitch at him about looking at his 'big ass helmet'. I regale him w/the frustrations of never being able to see where we are going. i piss and moan at this road or that, this beautiful piece of scenery or that with an irregular regularity. He who holds the responsiblity of my safety, his, our future, i complain to.
it has been an ongoing revelation to me that THAT is also the way i treat my Abba. He who goes before me and has my back. He who sent His son to die for me. I spend way more time complaining to Him than Thanking Him.
there are many stories i have learned from my seat on the back of the bike. now to implement all that i have learned His Grace and my husbands astounds me.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
these are the ones who constitute the joy of the name i get to carry of Gigi.
my prayer in 2012 is, more a word i want to focus on, learn about, carry out.DISCIPLESHIP...
webster says....one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another..
the doctrines of Christ the Bible...He says to love Him with your whole heart and soul and strength and to love others all others......to make disciples of men.......
i have much to learn and can only dream...pray...hope to in the journey towards full discipleship of myself to bring any and all along.....
a year of sinking myself into Obedience and the joy that comes in that struggle.

this morning still swimming in Nehe and how he is like the Israelites and SO AM I.......

this is hard....being a mom after so many years of...of .....not I guess
being a mom is 24/7 of being there......being the one leaned on.....the one depended upon to provide the physical and emotional needs of a 14 month old. one who likes to seem independent and looking always looking for his freedom. resenting anything that looks like confinement until he needs someone to lean on .....and oh how sweetly Nehe leans. always making sure i am there and backing into my lap and leaning his sweet lil head into my chest. it's the backing in that cracks me up, never looking, just sure i am there and backing into my lap......child like faith.

i thought i could DO THIS, i knew it would be hard but didn't take into account how much of my freedom was going to be compromised, how confined i would feel.....today i need to back into your lap, sure it's there and that it will never push me up and out of the way to go DO something more important. HE loves us more than we will ever know and doesn't get overwhelmed with how much we need Him.

learning so much from this time of 24/7 returning to Momming.....

Day after Thanksgiving 2011

2011
for a gal born in the 50's this is hard to grasp. not every day but somedays, you just look at 2011 and are stunned.
born into a decade of.......simplicity finding myself yearning for simple and sucked into technology.
you my grands will know nothing of life without technology:cell phones and video games and the internet. you won't know what it's like to NOT be instantly connected and yet face to face and really connected, or that's what it seems like to me right now in this moment of remembering nehe being born and there he is in all his precious newness and his peeps are tweeting and facebooking his arrival rather than gazing adoringly in his face....of Gigi getting shot in the butt with a paintball gun and rather than all of us laughing together we are again tweeting and facebooking the event:) it was fun....seriously to stand there and wait...wait....wait to get shot in the butt with a paintball.

i am not judging any of us just looking at what we have become and lamenting i guess a bit of the lostness of 'in the moment' joy and memories. well you do have the video here to see the silliness of it. the joy of being with family at a moment of pure silliness and fun.

just try to remember to be fully present in any given moment and i will promise the same.