Ps 39

ok
so Papa and I in reading this psalm this morning are praying that we don't live so long as to become burdens on you guys and in praying wonder if in having our own 'women at the well' experiences...experiences where He shows us who we really are and in that we accept...beg for His grace and in those moments accepting it, feeling it we become changed. We will be older and kinder, softer and less demanding....we pray so. and in praying and thanking Him for those moments i got to thinking of you all....:)

i hope you have had or are ready for those moments guys.
it's not about getting caught.
it's about taking the time to sit with Him and letting Him......well
He's always seen you, He made you and it's about letting Him show you what He's known about you always and in your seeing it, with Him..... stay away from shame and just feel His forgiveness and grace.
Walking away from such an experience you are changed, if only for a moment and hopefully in experiencing more and more of those moments of pain and joy you find yourself waiting for if not seeking more of THEM.

He loves you so much.....He wants You seeking Him with your whole hearts and minds and strength and in that seeking you all will find more than you can imagine.

and this young lady here, writes it so well.
don't be afraid guys...He really knows you and love you more than you even know. love you too...Gigi

I wonder....

I wonder if it is getting up at 4:30 am or just our stage of life that Papa and I enjoy such a joyfilled marriage? Even leaving this morning, kissing me good bye and whispering in my ear that I am his greatest blessing. I wonder and suspect it is a combination of both. please consider starting your day off with your mate in the company of Your Abba.
I wonder about prayer?? I believe it changes something fundamental in me and in my own relationship w/Abba. I wonder about answered prayer?? I mean I really prayed about Frank and then he ended up in your lives....i wonder :)
I wonder about reading the Bible and how it has softened me, your Papa. I wonder that people say Bible thumpers are legalistic, I wonder how does that happen? It's a love letter ....

so i wonder at the love letter some days...today reading in Joshua about stoning, in the psalm David's a lamenting one, not only lamenting but cursing out those who persecute him...and even the NT today, 1 Cor.5, Paul saying confront sin in the church....I wonder at who am I to confront...I wonder at who am I to call your sin out...I wonder and yet I am wondering if in the wondering I am missing a piece of obedience?? i wonder if i lay too heavy on the side of GRACE? I wonder if I miss opportunities to help another be closer to You and then I wonder at my arrogance to think so.....?

in the wondering tho, the tears that flow out of frustration maybe I am like David and lamenting to my Abba and yours...He hears and if I will listen perhaps I will hear an answer or two....or maybe not but in the listening, leaning into listen i will hear something.

Had a great day on the bike yesterday...talking a really great day. Getting back on after a long winter is always such a thrill. The freedom experienced by both of us there is real and tangible.
my freedom in Christ is every bit as real and yet probably not as tangible.
this morning tho in reading so much to the words and in rewriting the 37th Psalm in my own words a real sense of direction to my day...my life

it's not a concern of mine or ours who's evil.
follow Your Spirit - trusting in Jesus
follow wherever God leads!
It's all You and delighting in You
He knows it all anyway
every thought in my head
every word before i speak

follow where ever He leads
LISTEN for Him, to Him
which means quiet myself to HEAR
He's got the plan

don't get angry, don't act on it, in it and He's got the end

Know THIS and move in the confidence such drenching provides

the wicked are always around...God's got you
and see if you're listening and following and drenched....well you know it's HIM
it's always been and always will be ...HIM

we gonna fall
we gonna take hits...some BIG ones
He's got me....you

Never have I seen a forsaken follower...
think about it...
never
mabel...SA the poorest of the poor
praising Jesus
never a forsaken follower

I gotta stop looking out for me
I gotta stay soft and when I'm not
u-turn
wrestle back
beaten and yet never defeated

get up and get on the path HOME again

wait passionately for You
never stray from the path
too far
that wrestling...wrestling on the path

it's gonna be hard
not supposed to BE easy

this freedom is of and from YOU and in it I and you are protected and safe
in and of Jesus there is no wicked that can harm me
really no harm can come to me of evils design
Jesus saved me from that.....so now i follow where ever You lead which means

I have to keep my eyes and heart on YOU

ALWAYS.......delighting in You

I read so many different blogs
I read the Bible

the diversity of what I read both adds to my confusion and helps me to remain curious

I would love to write and be read
I would love to be able to both ask intelligent questions and be in discussions about everything but mostly about journey's.....

I would love to have the guts to ask questions of those I deem so much smarter, clever and creative than me. There are many in my acquaintance that fit this description and I am blessed to on occasion be able to sit in their presence and ask some of the questions that resonate...but others in the blogs i read, since I have deemed them as listed I most likely never will......to be exposed is both a fear and a desire of mine.

mostly
mostly I dream of someday being affirmed and deemed something other than ordinary.......that a question born of all this confusion would be a catalyst for discussion....

until then I blog and sit in my head with questions that will probably never be asked. I pray in this sitting to become more humble and approachable and less desirous of that wanting more than ordinary.

today i am disappointed and angry
trying to turn away from it

looking at it
trying to name it

trying to turn back to You
help me please to simply make that turn back

Deut 16-18; Ps. 38; Gal 2

You just so wanted us to know, to remember ALL of it. To honor You, BE grateful to YOU and celebrate w/festivals who You are and what You've done and DO.....in doing so, remembering....remaining dependent and obedient....so YOUR WILL BE DONE...
and now, in forgetting we live in a world of ME ME ME...chaos with all of us worrying about getting mine.....

Galatians 2:17-21............The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

can we be Paul now? living totally by faith?
if we believed in ALL of and from You, why not...even believing and gifted in faith if I don't......

obey....listen and obey

i can't and even if i do it's not going to change anything as much as it will change MY relationship with YOU...

so what's stopping you??

I will try it............today....moment by moment...minute by minute....second by second even and see what happens.............

stopped blogging for who reads and yet there is always the hope that someone will .
so here on this hidden blog I will write....

this morning I am passionate
scared and afraid
hearing be brave and courageous

I will listen more to what i hear than the beating of my own heart, trusting that it is YOU testing me for obedience.