Saturday, August 1, 2015

If This is why ?

If I started for my Grands, why did I stop?

Went back to pen and paper and on my final Grand, or so it appears right now. And writing w/out even knowing is it he or she.
I stopped writing here and now want to start again.
Looking at my lack of 'finishing' things I wonder at how He is working in me, here and in everything. Recognizing my penchant for 'easy' and being called to 'hard'.
It's been a 'relatively'' hard year. The loss of both parents in the span of a few short months but blessed beyond belief at the reconciliation of our relationships but even more with the blessing of watching them come, at the very least....a curiosity about Christ after years of thinking they knew. Epictetus said, well Roy Moran quoted him ' is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows. '
I was blessed to watch that truth change lives, change eternity and in those very hard discussions see Him change them, change me. I would have, had, in the past avoided THAT very hard time. It is only through years in the Bible that I have seen myself as so hard and afraid, so fearfully prideful, arrogant even. So painfully dishonest and self protective. Seeing myself this way has driven me  more and more and MORE into Grace.
Realizing how many relationships I damaged and ALMOST lost because of it.
Sadly more have been lost than saved....and that thought can shame me but then, there's GRACE again ...HIS for me and I tearfully push forward into trying every day to obediently move into
          SOFT.....HUMBLE.....HONEST......and VULNERABLE.
I pray my Grands learn this Him young....remember you can't learn what you think you already know.

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