Monday, August 17, 2015

Irrefutable Truths

Big title for small thoughts...
On the bike yesterday, always a good place for me and Papa to think, ponder....pray.
As we rode past fields of corn and beans. I thought of seeds. How they go into the ground as one thing and break and grow into huge and beautiful plants.
Before that I was thinking about what is irrefutably true to me?
Jesus, His birth fully human and fully God. Born into a world to save it.
People born at the intersection of male and female.
Seeds must break apart to change.

Nehemiah is enduring seizures again...his family, him persevering through incredible chaos. Epilepsy a disorder without much understanding. A disorder that interrupts life, restructures families. I want solutions. Everything in me must die to accept that this side of heaven somethings will never be fully understood.

Papa and I are reading Job and this morning was Chapter 39, God addressing Job and his friends after listening to them and their conclusions and  solutions. He created everything. There is nothing unknown to Him. The cycle of animals specific to mountain goats, wild donkeys, wild oxen, ostrich and horses...why would I think He doesn't have all of us that closely defined. He knows and to learn to rest in the comfort of that, much in me has to die to grow. In all of us.

But, we're also in Ezekiel and this morning the picture of the 'dry bones'  and the promise of new hearts in 36 and 37....I am encouraged.

My prayer for people, specifically my family to Know Christ for live lives pointing others to that same 'knowing' , irrefutably knowing a seeking heart He never denies....hearing in my head 'that which a man already knows he cannot learn' ....this is the process. A dying to ourselves, to what we think we already know to be born again, anew into what He has always had planned for us.

I irrefutably know He has a plan for His good and glory to Be Revealed and I will surrender daily, moment by moment into TRUSTING that.

Hebrews 13:21
Romans 12:2
Romans 8:28
Isaiah 61:1-3
Job 39
Ezekiel 36-37

Saturday, August 1, 2015

If This is why ?

If I started for my Grands, why did I stop?

Went back to pen and paper and on my final Grand, or so it appears right now. And writing w/out even knowing is it he or she.
I stopped writing here and now want to start again.
Looking at my lack of 'finishing' things I wonder at how He is working in me, here and in everything. Recognizing my penchant for 'easy' and being called to 'hard'.
It's been a 'relatively'' hard year. The loss of both parents in the span of a few short months but blessed beyond belief at the reconciliation of our relationships but even more with the blessing of watching them come, at the very least....a curiosity about Christ after years of thinking they knew. Epictetus said, well Roy Moran quoted him ' is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows. '
I was blessed to watch that truth change lives, change eternity and in those very hard discussions see Him change them, change me. I would have, had, in the past avoided THAT very hard time. It is only through years in the Bible that I have seen myself as so hard and afraid, so fearfully prideful, arrogant even. So painfully dishonest and self protective. Seeing myself this way has driven me  more and more and MORE into Grace.
Realizing how many relationships I damaged and ALMOST lost because of it.
Sadly more have been lost than saved....and that thought can shame me but then, there's GRACE again ...HIS for me and I tearfully push forward into trying every day to obediently move into
          SOFT.....HUMBLE.....HONEST......and VULNERABLE.
I pray my Grands learn this Him young....remember you can't learn what you think you already know.
A year passes by so quickly, we barely notice it's gone. Then in the looking back we see....

Births and deaths
Highs and lows
Failures and successes

How to live each moment Matthew 6:33

Monday, May 18, 2015


I journal of a morning. For the last 2 years or so and now, on my last Grand and I what?

I read about Him and wonder at His call on my life?

I love to encourage others to seek Him, to discover where He wants them to GO. I wonder at where He wants me to Go?

I come back to it's ABOUT Him...always. That I never wonder about.