Friday, September 16, 2011

Psalm 128


so far apart
what we deserve and in Christ what we receive
the gap

Psalm 128: 1-2 All you who fear God, how blessed you are! how happily you walk on his smooth straight road!
You worked hard and deserve all you've got coming.
Enjoy the blessing! Revel in the goodness!

fear of the Lord is the beginning of understanding....comes to me
Msg. Proverbs 1:7 Start with God—the first step in learning is bowing down to God;
only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.
Amp. 7The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline.(A)
so far apart ~ to fear the Lord, this, this gap is important to know?!

i didn't fear You, because i didn't know either one, justice or grace
i lived for me
oblivion turned to stubborn rebellion?
stubborn rebellion and fear, but not fear of You

i was afraid
afraid and FEAR of the Lord are different
without Christ i am still afraid....of everything
and yet
in a fear of God i am blessed out of oblivion....
out of oblivion comes a call to obedience....

so far apart
what we deserve ................................................................ what we receive in Christ
do people know, does my Daddy know, there is such a HUGE gap?
how do we help someone come out of oblivion without scaring them to death?
scaring them and THEN throwing them the life preserve JESUS
it's the life preserver that saves them NOT the one who throws it
how to live in FEAR
so my precious's not about me or's about HIM who saves and IF we live dependent that is all we can do......

love you all gigi

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

this is your papa working on a project, helping one of his kids, his grown kids withsomething they were stuck on and in and needed papa's help.
your papa never says 'i can't'
he always tries
he always steps up
he is a different papa than he was a daddy and credits Christ, His Spirit residing in him for the difference
papa shares his nutty bars even tho he swears he won't
papa gets up early every morning and seeks God, his seeking heart inspires me daily

just wanted to share your papa this morning
love you all gigi
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011


papa and i went riding on the 11th of september. just papa taking roads as they caught his fancy, my favorite kind of ride. a kind of sort of destination, leaving him a freedom of choice as he rides.
we stopped at noon to pray, remember, thank God for everything and ask for guidance as we try to live these lives of purpose, desiring to build up others as disciples of Christ and clueless in the how of it.
anytime i ride behind your papa i have time to think and pray. this time was no different and filled w/imagery for me.
your papa started the trip off right w/his lil piece of blue tape that's for sure:)

i don't know how to write of my memories of 10 years ago .
i was at work on 14 s main, the central office for liberty public schools at that time. seeing the events transpire was surreal and sobering . my first thot was that jared, your daddy jameson , was going to have to go to war. not of the people dying but how it was going to effect me by how it was going to effect your daddy.
he was a senior in high school at the time and our only son, the baby, the only one still home. i am ashamed now at how my thots ran so quickly and were not centered on those in the midst of the suffering.
papa was at work in the railyards next to the kc downtown airport and he noticed planes landing and wondered what was going on i remember trying to tell him. i remember his calming me, telling me to pray and then the coolest thing happened, we all held hands and prayed.
it was a day filled w/images of smoke and fire and so much death.
i remember the days following and everyone talking about all who died being angels and already in heaven and i remember wondering about that did they know Jesus and what if they didn't and i remember praying for an urgency in my life to help people know Him.
i remember feeling weird that i didn't agree w/those who believed all were in heaven.
i remember the weirdness killing the urgency......for a time.
i remember wanting to give away something i maybe didn't have and being so disappointed.
i remember that disappointment somedays being so heavy that i thought i would simply go crazy with it.
i remember papa and i arguing alot and yet never staying in anger, we were learning to communicate and hear each other.

there's probably more but that's what i remember today. i pray for when you all experience things like 9/11 that deepen your faith and take you closer to Him. love you all gigi
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Monday, September 12, 2011

Yup, got on the bike yesterday and your sweet and wise papa had attached that blue piece of tape to the back of his helmet. twas a good reminder in fact i think i might get me some dry erase markers and write all over his big ole helmet!!

remember we don't have to see what's ahead to TRUST HIM. love you all gigi

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

2 Chronicles 36:12

2 Chronicles 36:12 .....treated the prophets like idiots...

i tell myself i write here for when i'm gone, for my Grands to see a journey, mine, their papa's and yet sometimes the thoughts are probably more appropriate to a hand-written journal. for my eyes only and the ears of a sweet papa who sits with me of a morning as we listen and talk to our Papa.

i have been praying for softness, for His eyes and a softness and obedience to yield to His voice.
yesterday was sensory overload. a hospital surgery waiting room. seeing, feeling so much..
i saw an elderly woman, waiting for her husband with her son. the son so passive and she so crazy to connect with him, talk to him about God and Jesus. he feigned sleep as she waxed on and then stopped and just loving looked at her son, desperate to connect with him and yet maybe not..maybe more desperate to be heard? and he feigned sleep.......
there is much emotion in a hospital waiting room...
sensory overload and yet woke up thinking on You and so anxious to BE HERE...
always afraid and trusting You....
praying for soft...
soft = vulnerable
vulnerable = needing protection and dependent
just talking myself thru a bit of crazy.....fearful moment
YOU really can be enough??

i don't get to see what's ahead?
i don't get to know anything for sure, save Your grace and your Grace is sufficient for may even suck and YOU won't leave.
YOUR GRACE is sufficient for me.

Rev. 12:11 They defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness. They weren't in love w/themselves; they were willing to die for Christ.

obviously not there yet if a fear is being treated like an idiot....not saying i am a prophet, just a woman who wants people, know You, Your Son, Your spirit and sometimes i can sure feel like an idiot. worrying more about what people think than what you desire of me....
Abba, another day of softness and in that softness hearing and obeying with Your help.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

adapt adopt obey

got some thots in here ruminating around, gonna write them and hope to keep them and see what comes up.

reading Ezekiel and Revelations is tough. this verse is maybe a jumping off point. Ez 28:17 Your heart became proud on account of your beauty and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor.

babies born - promise seen and those are the lucky ones.
babies born - discarded, fighting to live and BE loved.

we're all born of human parents into a fallen world, knowing that piece, the fallenness of this world or not , it is i believe what happens.

born - we begin to adapt to whatever setting we are born into. resulting in ideas, conclusions, styles of relating...that form us.

i look at Jameson. He cries there is a big(ger) person checking on him, trying to help him- figure out the WHY of his cries. he adapts to this life outside of his mothers womb.

growing we adopt the thots and concerns of others, if they HELP us....? at first it is innocent(?) enough. Jameson in adapting to his environment adopts the idea of his parents being out for his good.
if he's hungry they feed him, wet they change him, cold they warm him, bored they entertain or seek to entertain him. he even begins to figure out his cries get 'attention'- for a baby attention = love .
later when they let him down and they will, he further adopts the idea of needing lots of attention:)
at some point he will have to surrender to the idea of 'them knowing best'.
oh how long and how many interactions that takes.:)
he will tho, at so many months, in having adapted to and adopted their power in his life have to obey them....if only to give him a certain amount of comfort.
in that process(?) comes obedience - responding to and obeying them.

how are we as Christ followers any different.

obviously this is unfinished thoughts and i hope to in thinking and praying more through it come to maybe something to write out differently. if anyone reads here would love to hear your thoughts as well.

love you gigi