Wednesday, June 9, 2010


I love you
I am sorry for the ways we scarred you. I pray you learn that emotion is not something to be afraid of. I pray that He births in you a freedom to live in every emotion we succeeded in destroying in you.
I am proud of you...

I pray that you and Allison seek Him first in EVERYTHING and that in THAT seeking you find MORE than you could ever imagine.......
I pray as you prepare for your new lil one He fills you w/more than enough of all you will need.....


I love you

I am sorry for all the ways we scarred you....

I am proud of you

I pray for you to instill in your children His love.....

I pray that you continue to seek Him above everything else and that in that seeking He bless your whole family.

I see you growing in Faith and love and HOPE......


You are amazing....I think I've told you...

I am sorry for the ways we scarred you.

I love you and pray for you to have a MOST exciting life in Him...I pray that He infuses YOUR LIFE w/such RISK and JOY that you and Juno and Nehe DO great things for the KINGDOM....

I pray you love Him first, Juno and then Nehe and whomever follows ;)

If anyone asks....

I hear Be still

I hear wait

I want to talk about YOU...I want someone to ASK me...anything

I want dialogue....and conversation.....

I am sorry for never being curious and now that I am I still want somone to be curious about me.....

I want to spout off about how much I love You...not in a weird way, saying JESUS in a way that doesn't make another's eyes roll. I don't know why I judge the way he says Your he thinks I am not as fond of you as he I sit quietly, tearfully waiting....dreaming of a day, a time, a conversation with someone lost or found that blesses both.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


I don't know for sure what I want to say...I think I've said it.....I think I wanted you to listen to me.....

I probably said things wrong...things that hit you wrong....and you stopped listening and then, well then I stopped talking and I was wrong again...

so what should say is "i'm sorry'

I love you and I am sorry.......THEN maybe you would be able to hear.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

You are so damn creative!
I hope you know who gives you all that....I hope you Thank Him daily for it.
I hope you don't regret being driven by it...nope change that.... I hope you are not being driven by it...........of course all this hoping is because I don't know you.....never took the time to try and keep up and in that time discover who you really are....I am sorry for that and yet there is a part of me that is angry. Not sure if it's at me or you?
You are a painful person to rub up against and I guess I hope in avoiding that pain I didn't miss out on something MORE you could have taught me.

THANKS for all that you did teach family, mothering changed because of how you shared your journey. Sometimes I am not sure that was all for the good but that's in the times I forget that it IS a journey and where I was when I met you is not where I am now...thanks for all that you taught me.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

"thinking about being Baptized."

If you're ready YES

"waiting for hubs"

so do you talk about it?

"I don't want to push him"


When these kinds of conversations come up I am just a wreck inside. I pushed mine...I prayed for and pushed him..I would lay my hand over his heart every nite and I advise that? YES YES YES.....the praying for and pushing without expectation...pushing towards a lively interactive relationship w/Christ...oooh boy was it rough...we fought and said horrible things to each other in the battles.....but somehow it was always OK.....we simply were learning after years of NOT communicating to communicate. After years of ignoring and sucking it up, learning how to tell each other how and what we felt....learning how to point each other to an inside look, trusting somehow in our ignorance and new found faith that You had a plan for us to BE different....but see I write here because it don't make sense...I don't communicate in ways that are understandable and maybe...maybe writing it here I will learn.....because to communicate and be understood is one of my deepest longings and that that communication would be about You, about Christ...that excites me alot.