Wednesday, December 14, 2011


this morning still swimming in Nehe and how he is like the Israelites and SO AM I.......

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

this is hard....being a mom after so many years of...of .....not I guess
being a mom is 24/7 of being there......being the one leaned on.....the one depended upon to provide the physical and emotional needs of a 14 month old. one who likes to seem independent and looking always looking for his freedom. resenting anything that looks like confinement until he needs someone to lean on .....and oh how sweetly Nehe leans. always making sure i am there and backing into my lap and leaning his sweet lil head into my chest. it's the backing in that cracks me up, never looking, just sure i am there and backing into my lap......child like faith.

i thought i could DO THIS, i knew it would be hard but didn't take into account how much of my freedom was going to be compromised, how confined i would feel.....today i need to back into your lap, sure it's there and that it will never push me up and out of the way to go DO something more important. HE loves us more than we will ever know and doesn't get overwhelmed with how much we need Him.

learning so much from this time of 24/7 returning to Momming.....

Friday, November 25, 2011

Day after Thanksgiving 2011

2011
for a gal born in the 50's this is hard to grasp. not every day but somedays, you just look at 2011 and are stunned.
born into a decade of.......simplicity finding myself yearning for simple and sucked into technology.
you my grands will know nothing of life without technology:cell phones and video games and the internet. you won't know what it's like to NOT be instantly connected and yet face to face and really connected, or that's what it seems like to me right now in this moment of remembering nehe being born and there he is in all his precious newness and his peeps are tweeting and facebooking his arrival rather than gazing adoringly in his face....of Gigi getting shot in the butt with a paintball gun and rather than all of us laughing together we are again tweeting and facebooking the event:) it was fun....seriously to stand there and wait...wait....wait to get shot in the butt with a paintball.

i am not judging any of us just looking at what we have become and lamenting i guess a bit of the lostness of 'in the moment' joy and memories. well you do have the video here to see the silliness of it. the joy of being with family at a moment of pure silliness and fun.

just try to remember to be fully present in any given moment and i will promise the same.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Perspective

our trip to Utah was amazing and beautiful and inspiring and brought us home close to Him and seeking.
nothing new really and while that can be frustrating it is also humbling...really humbling. the vast creativity of our God in a land of red and rocks and canyons and buttes and bluffs and vistas left me feeling small and insignificant and blessed. that i don't change and that He loves me anyway, that i am even more broken and selfish than i knew and loved more than i can imagine leaves me breathless and awed and grateful. anxious to BE different showing yet again how little i get of this journey to insignificance and incredible worth.......

Friday, September 16, 2011

Psalm 128

Justice......................................................................................................Grace

so far apart
what we deserve and in Christ what we receive
the gap

Psalm 128: 1-2 All you who fear God, how blessed you are! how happily you walk on his smooth straight road!
You worked hard and deserve all you've got coming.
Enjoy the blessing! Revel in the goodness!

fear of the Lord is the beginning of understanding....comes to me
Msg. Proverbs 1:7 Start with God—the first step in learning is bowing down to God;
only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.
Amp. 7The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline.(A)
Justice...............................................................................................................Grace
so far apart ~ to fear the Lord, this, this gap is important to know?!

i didn't fear You, because i didn't know either one, justice or grace
i lived for me
oblivious
oblivion turned to stubborn rebellion?
stubborn rebellion and fear, but not fear of You

i was afraid
afraid and FEAR of the Lord are different
without Christ i am still afraid....of everything
and yet
in a fear of God i am blessed out of oblivion....
out of oblivion comes a call to obedience....

Justice...............................................................................................................Grace
so far apart
what we deserve ................................................................ what we receive in Christ
do people know, does my Daddy know, there is such a HUGE gap?
how do we help someone come out of oblivion without scaring them to death?
scaring them and THEN throwing them the life preserve JESUS
it's the life preserver that saves them NOT the one who throws it
how to live in FEAR
AWE
so my precious Grands.....it's not about me or you....us....it's about HIM who saves and IF we live dependent that is all we can do......

love you all gigi

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


this is your papa working on a project, helping one of his kids, his grown kids withsomething they were stuck on and in and needed papa's help.
your papa never says 'i can't'
he always tries
he always steps up
he is a different papa than he was a daddy and credits Christ, His Spirit residing in him for the difference
papa shares his nutty bars even tho he swears he won't
papa gets up early every morning and seeks God, his seeking heart inspires me daily

just wanted to share your papa this morning
love you all gigi
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

09/11/11

papa and i went riding on the 11th of september. just papa taking roads as they caught his fancy, my favorite kind of ride. a kind of sort of destination, leaving him a freedom of choice as he rides.
we stopped at noon to pray, remember, thank God for everything and ask for guidance as we try to live these lives of purpose, desiring to build up others as disciples of Christ and clueless in the how of it.
anytime i ride behind your papa i have time to think and pray. this time was no different and filled w/imagery for me.
your papa started the trip off right w/his lil piece of blue tape that's for sure:)


i don't know how to write of my memories of 10 years ago .
i was at work on 14 s main, the central office for liberty public schools at that time. seeing the events transpire was surreal and sobering . my first thot was that jared, your daddy jameson , was going to have to go to war. not of the people dying but how it was going to effect me by how it was going to effect your daddy.
he was a senior in high school at the time and our only son, the baby, the only one still home. i am ashamed now at how my thots ran so quickly and were not centered on those in the midst of the suffering.
papa was at work in the railyards next to the kc downtown airport and he noticed planes landing and wondered what was going on i remember trying to tell him. i remember his calming me, telling me to pray and then the coolest thing happened, we all held hands and prayed.
it was a day filled w/images of smoke and fire and so much death.
i remember the days following and everyone talking about all who died being angels and already in heaven and i remember wondering about that did they know Jesus and what if they didn't and i remember praying for an urgency in my life to help people know Him.
i remember feeling weird that i didn't agree w/those who believed all were in heaven.
i remember the weirdness killing the urgency......for a time.
i remember wanting to give away something i maybe didn't have and being so disappointed.
i remember that disappointment somedays being so heavy that i thought i would simply go crazy with it.
i remember papa and i arguing alot and yet never staying in anger, we were learning to communicate and hear each other.

there's probably more but that's what i remember today. i pray for when you all experience things like 9/11 that deepen your faith and take you closer to Him. love you all gigi
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Monday, September 12, 2011

Yup, got on the bike yesterday and your sweet and wise papa had attached that blue piece of tape to the back of his helmet. twas a good reminder in fact i think i might get me some dry erase markers and write all over his big ole helmet!!

remember we don't have to see what's ahead to TRUST HIM. love you all gigi

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

2 Chronicles 36:12

2 Chronicles 36:12 .....treated the prophets like idiots...

i tell myself i write here for when i'm gone, for my Grands to see a journey, mine, their papa's and yet sometimes the thoughts are probably more appropriate to a hand-written journal. for my eyes only and the ears of a sweet papa who sits with me of a morning as we listen and talk to our Papa.

i have been praying for softness, for His eyes and a softness and obedience to yield to His voice.
yesterday was sensory overload. a hospital surgery waiting room. seeing, feeling so much..
i saw an elderly woman, waiting for her husband with her son. the son so passive and she so crazy to connect with him, talk to him about God and Jesus. he feigned sleep as she waxed on and then stopped and just loving looked at her son, desperate to connect with him and yet maybe not..maybe more desperate to be heard? and he feigned sleep.......
there is much emotion in a hospital waiting room...
sensory overload and yet woke up thinking on You and so anxious to BE HERE...
afraid
always afraid and trusting You....
praying for soft...
soft = vulnerable
vulnerable = needing protection and dependent
just talking myself thru a bit of crazy.....fearful moment
YOU really can be enough??

i don't get to see what's ahead?
i don't get to know anything for sure, save Your grace and your Grace is sufficient for me....it may even suck and YOU won't leave.
YOUR GRACE is sufficient for me.

Rev. 12:11 They defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness. They weren't in love w/themselves; they were willing to die for Christ.

obviously not there yet if a fear is being treated like an idiot....not saying i am a prophet, just a woman who wants people, family....to know You, Your Son, Your spirit and sometimes i can sure feel like an idiot. worrying more about what people think than what you desire of me....
Abba, another day of softness and in that softness hearing and obeying with Your help.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

adapt adopt obey

got some thots in here ruminating around, gonna write them and hope to keep them and see what comes up.

reading Ezekiel and Revelations is tough. this verse is maybe a jumping off point. Ez 28:17 Your heart became proud on account of your beauty and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor.

babies born - promise seen and those are the lucky ones.
babies born - discarded, fighting to live and BE loved.

we're all born of human parents into a fallen world, knowing that piece, the fallenness of this world or not , it is i believe what happens.

born - we begin to adapt to whatever setting we are born into. resulting in ideas, conclusions, styles of relating...that form us.

i look at Jameson. He cries there is a big(ger) person checking on him, trying to help him- figure out the WHY of his cries. he adapts to this life outside of his mothers womb.

growing we adopt the thots and concerns of others, if they HELP us....? at first it is innocent(?) enough. Jameson in adapting to his environment adopts the idea of his parents being out for his good.
if he's hungry they feed him, wet they change him, cold they warm him, bored they entertain or seek to entertain him. he even begins to figure out his cries get 'attention'- for a baby attention = love .
later when they let him down and they will, he further adopts the idea of needing lots of attention:)
at some point he will have to surrender to the idea of 'them knowing best'.
oh how long and how many interactions that takes.:)
he will tho, at so many months, in having adapted to and adopted their power in his life have to obey them....if only to give him a certain amount of comfort.
in that process(?) comes obedience - responding to and obeying them.

how are we as Christ followers any different.

obviously this is unfinished thoughts and i hope to in thinking and praying more through it come to maybe something to write out differently. if anyone reads here would love to hear your thoughts as well.

love you gigi

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

went to a meeting last nite that gave papa and i alot to think about.
reminded to PRAY more. i pray for you guys and let you know here but i wonder if praying over you, with you would be kind of weird and yet all kinds of OK. i prayed over Nehe as we walked his neighborhood but haven't done it with or over you. i will start doing this :)

emma grace...Abba this lil girl is sensitive and wise. please help her to understand where her sensitivity comes from, a loving Abba who desires her to know Him and His plan. a plan that probably won't be easily discovered, well outside of the part where we are to LOVE YOU and others, all others. the rest will be hers to discover, unleash and in that unleashing have a life of incredible risk and joy. i pray for her to become more and more centered in You, to have a vital relationship with Your Son and to hear Your Spirit in all her endeavors.

gabe christian..Papa this boy is wild and crazy, a wonderful wild and crazy. full of joy and adventure, tempered with a sensitive spirit. i pray You take him on an incredible journey of risk and lead him to love Your son and in that love he discover more adventure than his lil heart can handle.

millie hope....she of the independent nature. i pray you nurture than independence into a deep dependence on You and Your Spirit. i pray Jesus becomes her closest companion and in that closeness all her creativity be released to do things for Your kingdom.

nehemiah....fearless he is and always checking his boundaries. i pray he find YOU in those boundaries and in the freedom that offers he becomes an incredible man of God with You always guiding him. i pray in his pushing the boundaries Jesus becomes his life line so he never gets too far away in that quest.

jameson garnett...new to us and known fully by You. i pray he grows up to have passions like his daddy and in those passions always knows they are born of you in him for Your glory and that he be a contagious light for You.

i pray each of these lil ones have the DNA of disciple in them and that as it manifests itself in each they find such joy and that their journeys be rich and filled with stories of You reaching others in and through them and that joy.

i pray for their parents to know You have a plan and great love for them and their children. thank you Abba for the privilege of having these in my life...my family.

Monday, August 29, 2011

there's a verse in revelations that can kind of freak you out. freak you out if you don't know His grace, haven't wrestled w/your personal need of Christ. still can freak you out even when you know, worth wrestling with you know?
revelations 2: 23.............I x-ray every motive and make sure you get what's coming to you.
He knows us that well guys. He knows and made us and wants us to always be chasing after Him. He knows we are gonna get distracted and alot of times in the Bible tells us to 'BE alert'.......just a verse i wanted to share with you this morning. He knows you and loves you even more than papa and i......

Thursday, August 25, 2011

been reading the old prophets and finding out they didn't always HAVE good news, well it was God's news and for the GOOD but wasn't always received as good.
spent the last week w/you, Nehe and boy was it fun. you are something special like all your cousins. you are especially fearless and always looking for freedom. i love that your momma has from the very beginning fostered that in you.
when you were less than 2 months old, your wise momma would see that yearning to be free and let you slide right off of her lap, we thought she was crazy!
but God picked the perfect momma for you and now it is also her responsibility to help you find ways to BE free and fearless and successful all the while, keeping you safe, as safe as is humanly possible.
it is her and daddys job to remind you where that fearless spirit came from.
for the rest of you AMAZING kiddos, it's kind of like when mom or dad tells you to DO something, you may not receive it as good news :) and even be angry at mom and dad BUT it is for your own good, whether or not you can immediately see it.
anyway feeling kind of like old Jeremiah this morning with all this good news about how God is in charge of everything and wanting to go out and just spout off about it without waiting for Him to tell me when and then when He does, hating being the one to have to say it and yet loving it at the same time.
wanting to point people back to Him, Your Papa, His Son, encourage them to listen to the voice of His Spirit breathing inside of them. breathing advice and suggestions on how to LOVE. not mine HIS....He speaks to us you know all the time and we just need to learn to listen....
loving and hating that voice in my own heart this morning, whispering to me ' listen to them and point them back to ME'....listen to them and remind them who's in CHARGE.....somehow without being .......preachy.
i love the knowing it and wanting with all my heart you all to know it too.
He, the God of the universe is in CHARGE.....
so today i want to be obedient and soft to His leadings and not my own.
i love you all so much and praying today for YOUR lil hearts to feel His love .

Saturday, August 13, 2011


this is papa's helmet, my view on the back of the bike. i want to start by complaining that wahhh that's all i see but the truth is because of following that helmet i have seen over 1/2 of this united states! wow huh?

it's had me wondering these last few weeks, probably months and boy i hope not years what i miss by focusing on what i see instead of what is out there.

i woke up this morning with the word courage...courageous...BE of good courage.
a dictionary definition is: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty. I think maybe it is important for me to 'listen' today...
for someone always looking to fit and yet feeling this call to a certain risk...it's maybe about resilience (another word i woke up to) and perseverance? just seeing the helmet and maybe that's a really good thing. I SEE it's ahead of me and now to follow, trusting or at least knowing that Papa (God) is ahead of me....and behind me and with me every step of the way.
i am not saying papa is Papa...the vision of the helmet being Papa is a good metaphor for me. and maybe for you guys, to know that our God knew you before you were born and put you on the back of the bike with Him to take you where He wants you to go and boy guys and gals, my precious grands I hope you come to know this and trust it and follow /ride wherever it is He takes you. BE of good courage and seek Him always. love you more than i can say....gigi


Friday, August 12, 2011

the third plate

gigi had something happen that i want to try to tell you about.
i have been praying to hear His voice and the other day i think i did and missed it....missed being obedient to it that is.
we have had this guy trimming our trees, now in my judgementalism i was put off by how much he talked.
so monday he was here finishing up the job, cleaning up and ....just finishing. papa was due to be home and i was fixing him a fun supper, shrimp boil. i was cooking and getting ready to set the table when i heard this lil voice in my head saying 'put on a third placemat' and then when i didn't do it , heard again 'put on a third plate'......you know just ask the guy to dinner....
i didn't
i told myself....oh he wouldn't join us and then more honestly he probably stinks from working so hard and he talks too much and i want papa to enjoy his meal.
yuck huh
and now all i can hear in my head is 'don't miss the third plate'....His grace covered me in my shame the next morning and i want to stay forgiven for it and i am.....BUT i don't want to miss being obedient to His voice.
so now i am praying and making my i will of a morning be...I will listen and obey.
i share this so you guys when you hear His voice will maybe be more inclined to obey and in that obedience , i am confident that you will hear it more and more often.
love you all gigi

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I hope you guys read the Bible for yourselves someday.
I hope you wrestle with questions and can only go to Him and His words, not only and yet maybe it is ONLY.....I hope you find people to point you to Him and I hope you point people to Him.
I hope you find JOY in the journey amidst all sorts of crap and pain and sorrow.
I hope you have your own moment of TRUTH, I mean a real moment where what He did for you becomes real to and for you....I hope in that moment you FEEL His love, and if not that you keep moving towards Him.
I hope you know how much He loves you and that in that love you will love Him.
I hope you realize He made you special and that you find your purpose in that .
I hope you know how much I love you .

Monday, August 8, 2011

Jeremiah 1:5

Autumn and Brett Coursey are bringing their new little one into the world today albeit a bit early, 33 weeks, but this lil family is surrounded by prayers.
Papa and I walked them through Pre-marital stuff and feel a real affection for them.
Jeremiah this morning assured me our Papa in Heaven knows this baby already and now we wait and pray and hope.
You lil ones are so anticipated and we big ones sometimes forget how very special each of you is. We have in the lives we've lived learned to just expect things to go in our order and forget He has an order that is really no matter what, better. His will is best no matter what kind of things try to make us think it's not...but really how do we live this when the bad stuff, hard stuff happens?? A new lil' one coming early has the potential to be some of that hard stuff....so today we wait and pray.....course we're praying it to be our way without even knowing His and you know what.....He's ok with that, He loves listening to us and maybe in all this we learn to listen to Him more? Maybe we turn to Him more, maybe in the turning to Him we hear something we've needed to hear or see something He's been waiting to show us or maybe we simply in the turning, getting closer to Him we end up wanting that...that closeness to Him? I don't know just praying this morning for sweet beginning for this lil' Coursey and for Mommy and Daddy to FEEL Him .
I hope you reading this are in the future good friends, sisters and brothers in Jesus to this new lil one....I hope and pray you all Know Him and trust Him with your lives and now I simply must live in the knowing Him myself. Love you all Gigi

Update: Boy 4 lbs 4 oz.....he's impressing everyone. Now keep praying :)

Monday, August 1, 2011

John 3

The Supernatural begs questions and i hope and pray you kiddos are steeped in an environment that inspires you to ask and that your parents are so soft and Spirit dependent themselves, that all of you live lives that being filled w/wonder and awe and gratitude..... who knows what He can do in and through you.

The Supernatural begs questions and the questions deepen our faith and dependence, rather than seperate us from Him. The best questions come after and from facing the evidence and accepting it.

I am sinful and stubborn
I am forgiven

Stubborn in that I make everything about me.....it seems normal.....when what He calls us to is supernatural, being about Him.
When I looked at is as normal it didn't seem sinful. And now coming to knowing it's all Him and seeing the light of that truth....it hurts bad and I didn't want to see it, to hurt like that..I wanted to beat myself up more than simply accept His love and forgiveness....like a child who has disappointed their parents and doesn't know how to just BE SORRY.....if I beat myself up enough I stay in a darkness that never lets His light shine in, doesn't let my Mommy's and Daddy's disappointment and forgiveness change my behavior, I just stay feeling bad and ashamed and alone..
Accepting His forgiveness for that, the hurt is painfully good, He sent His son Jesus to die for that in me, that hurts and yet Wow, He loves us that much........and i hope it is searing my heart into seeing the Supernaturalness of His sacrifice and love forgiveness more and more everyday....keeps all of us absolutely drenched w/ His love.
I hope you guys wrestle with this in your lives and that as you lose you FEEL His love. i love you all so much

19-21"This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is."
22-26After this conversation, Jesus went on with his disciples into the Judean countryside and relaxed with them there. He was also baptizing. At the same time, John was baptizing over at Aenon near Salim, where water was abundant. This was before John was thrown into jail. John's disciples got into an argument with the establishment Jews over the nature of baptism. They came to John and said, "Rabbi, you know the one who was with you on the other side of the Jordan? The one you authorized with your witness? Well, he's now competing with us. He's baptizing, too, and everyone's going to him instead of us."

27-29John answered, "It's not possible for a person to succeed—I'm talking about eternal success—without heaven's help. You yourselves were there when I made it public that I was not the Messiah but simply the one sent ahead of him to get things ready. The one who gets the bride is, by definition, the bridegroom. And the bridegroom's friend, his 'best man'—that's me—in place at his side where he can hear every word, is genuinely happy. How could he be jealous when he knows that the wedding is finished and the marriage is off to a good start?

29-30"That's why my cup is running over. This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines.

31-33"The One who comes from above is head and shoulders over other messengers from God. The earthborn is earthbound and speaks earth language; the heavenborn is in a league of his own. He sets out the evidence of what he saw and heard in heaven. No one wants to deal with these facts. But anyone who examines this evidence will come to stake his life on this: that God himself is the truth.

34-36"The One that God sent speaks God's words. And don't think he rations out the Spirit in bits and pieces. The Father loves the Son extravagantly. He turned everything over to him so he could give it away—a lavish distribution of gifts. That is why whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever! And that is also why the person who avoids and distrusts the Son is in the dark and doesn't see life. All he experiences of God is darkness, and an angry darkness at that."

Wednesday, July 27, 2011



precious Grands and the kids who produce them....
a tender Papa
a man who will take me chasing rainbows. yup Sunday riding he simply kept trying to find the end (or beginning) of a rainbow and it was glorious.


Ps. 92:1 What a beautiful thing God , to give THANKS.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Isaiah is a good read kiddos......if and when you need reminding who's in charge it's a good read. He's ahead of you and He's got your backs...the God of the universe i'm talkin about...wow huh?

and then in 1 Peter 4 this morning along w/reading Isaiah.....1 Peter 4:7 Everything in the world is about to be wrapped up, so take nothing for granted. Stay wide-awake in prayer. Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything. Be quick to give a meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless—cheerfully. Be generous with the different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if words, let it be God's words; if help, let it be God's hearty help. That way, God's bright presence will be evident in everything through Jesus, and he'll get all the credit as the One mighty in everything—encores to the end of time. Oh, yes!

He's in charge and asking us to pray........praying for each of you this morning and loving watching Him grow your gifts. love you all gigi

Thursday, July 21, 2011

What i am learning guys is it's HIM all Him.......and today I need to remember that.
I pray you all know this in your little hearts, I know He put it there.
He wants YOU in a relationship with Him and He will wait for you to know this.

Now my prayer also is that you watch the people around you, not to judge them but watch them....watch your Mommy and Daddy seek Him, that you all get thirsty from watching them and that you find the only place for THAT thirst to be quenched is in your very own relationships with HIM.....

that's all i got this morning, that and JOY in loving you, so grateful that each of you was chosen to be His and blessing of blessing in our family.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

tired of the round pen

a couple of years ago we went to see a Horse Whisperer....
find myself thinking on the experience.....

this guy in a big round pen with a horse, a big unbroken horse
the horse has a rope loosely around his neck and he's running..round and round and round
the guy just loosely holds the rope and lets him run.....

after a time he holds out a halter and waits...waits for the horse to head down, step into the halter if he won't, he simply allows him to run more........and the horse does, for hours it seems with nothing from the man in the middle but patience.....the man waits softly talking to the horse....

finally the horse approaches the halter and the man tells us in the audience that now the horse will know what he was made for....

my yoke is easy and the burden is light.....


i will today see it and choose to step into it......Papa help me
i know you are thirsty, the water is free, but i should warn you it costs everything....

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

my eye is black
jaw sore
knee swollen
pride bruised and oh how i wish it was shattered

took a mean spill this weekend on a scooter, yup, you heard me right a scooter. NOT a motorcycle or dirt bike a scooter, a motorscooter, but still........

the fall didn't even hurt that bad, my Abba does protect me. what hurt was the shame and embarassement of the spill...crash. to be seen, revealed as inept again....that's what goes through my head and the word STUPID was the first word, the only word on repeat in my head. no tears at the crash....but sobbed for 90 minutes on the back of the bike and just when i would think OK......it would come again......

i want to believe i have something to offer....i want to believe i don't need YOU for absolutely everything.....

entering the falls today...praying to be drenched
...stepping into the yoke You offer...praying to in everything EVERYTHING today, see it as a choice and YOU there waiting to help me choose.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

in Isaiah 17 this morning 7-8Yes, the Day is coming when people will notice The One Who Made Them, take a long hard look at The Holy of Israel. They'll lose interest in all the stuff they've made—altars and monuments and rituals, their homemade, handmade religion—however impressive it is.

DISTRACTIONS....keep us from noticing and i can't help but think again about our recent trip to the K to watch the Royals. This big, HUGE stadium, at the bottom this game, the one we paid to watch...such a small part of the experience. How distracted I was from the game by the jumbo screen, the rolling screens under the first deck, the carousel and games and food and drink and....what we came to see becomes a 2nd thing......

in the noise and chaos of distractions we lose our focus on You......and here it's promised we will remember........

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Papa and I just talked this morning......in the midst of reading we simply drifted into a conversation and it was good. Really anytime w/Papa and here I mean, your earthly Papa is good. We talked about our parents and our parenting and wondered what kind of a legacy we are leaving?

It started with this verse in Hebrews 10, vs. 12 Sow righteousness, reap love.

We talked and remembered our childhoods and those of your folks, our kids and then we reminded each other to pray today ... you guys are growing up fast. We are here to encourage you in your faith, to live ours out loud and messy not for you to have to live up to or be scared of, to in our living in His love love you better and then who knows, maybe the legacy we leave is nothing but love and you will seek His face always not because of us or your folks but because He chose you.....

what is righteousness anyway?? You guys know that you can find anything out on the internet so I started looking and this one seemed closest to what I was thinking....

According to Frederick K.C. Price..."When you accept Christ as God's remedy for sine - when you accept Christ as your personal living Savior and Lord, and God declares you righteous.

The simplist definition of righteousness is, right standing with God.

As used in the New Testament:"Righteous" (Greek dikaios) means, "observing divine laws, keeping the commands of God; a way of thinking, feeling and acting that is comformed to the will of God." The simplist definition of righteousness is, right standing with God.

...pursue that? pursue Christ.....He has saved me, never leaves me, dwells in me...pursue Him?


then Papa leaves and I read the rest.....It's time to till the ready earth, it's time to dig in with God, Until he arrives with righteousness ripe for harvest.

then I read the Psalm for today 73......vs 1-3 .... No doubt about it! God is good— good to good people, good to the good-hearted.
But I nearly missed it, missed seeing his goodness. I was looking the other way, looking up to the people

looking and comparing myself to people....judging.....I almost missed this....He of course had other plans and I am grateful and awed and praying you all look to Him and only Him....that's a legacy i want to leave and pray to encourage you in that direction always. He loves you so much kiddo's and seeking Him and reading the Bible for yourselves will grow your fascination w/Him and your love, because you will see how very much He loves you....and well this refrain keeps running through my head

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hosea 2 and Hebrews 2

a bunch of Gomers we are...or I am.
always blessed by God's IMMENSE LOVE.....a Gomer

so, to live redeemed, what does it look like?
grateful
grateful looks like?
in love w/my redeemer savior

when i'm in love with something or someone all my thots are there.....
impressed and hopeful
loved and loving
passionate
i want to talk to them always...be with them....listen to them...curious about them

Redeemed and introspect with gratitude
instropspection brings quiet
in the quiet i hear..............sacrifice...His...but I wonder what You are asking me to sacrifice?

Hole in our Gospel page 42...when things become precious to us, whether our possessions, our work, our status and positions (our comforts) or even our friends and families - we really don't want to let go of them. They become idols that compete with God in our lives.....when 'they' divide our hearts and compromise our commitment to the Lord.....

I have a divided heart when I want what I want more than what You want.
divided heart = crazy

I am afraid Abba - always afraid - of what You will ask me to give up...so I have acquired little in the way of material things.......relationships....my comfort....these i value- these are my 'precious'......

Hosea 2:20 You'll know me, God, for who I really am....

it's all about YOU, us acknowledging You...everything YOU do, have done, will do....is about us getting THAT?
You don't need us to...YOU WANT us to...Us to want what you want MORE than anything. Made in Your image we stubbornly refuse over and over and over...and You wait, KNOWING what is BEST for us...You are IMMENSE in love Abba...Immense in love...

Hebrews 2:21 It is crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we've heard so that don't drift off.

NOT run off...drift off...slow fade....become satisfied with and in playing in mud puddles when you offer a whole ocean and beach (CS Lewis)

created in Your image...not gods....God's
not gods....God's

Jesus came to rescue us...I am rescued....redeemed, like Gomer brought back to my first love.....

Monday, July 4, 2011

On the back of the bike is freedom...
On the back of the bike is joy...
As long as he is riding














on the back of the bike is me....




yesterday we rode.....home from iowa in the rain and it was glorious. just me and him.
i almost missed the joy of him, i almost missed seeing him for who he is, I almost missed seeing him seek You....if not for Christ all i would still be seeing is me.
And now i am so grateful Christ in me, lets me see others. i still get lost and want what i want, but more and more i see You all around me.
i am realizing that without You, there is nothing.
how can i blessed with so much, still do that.....
i am sorry Papa for being so filled with me as to miss You...Your Son...Your Spirit all around me please in the being forgiven yet again help me to live for You and not my comfort.
and thank you Papa for him.......
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Friday, July 1, 2011

Blessed

Seriously Thanking God for all these this morning. Praying to love them and watch them come to a dependence on Him in all things.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Sitting waiting for Jameson

life beginning
laboring it here
mom and dad connected
new life - hanging- waiting
reluctant?
IN Momma is safety
out here
Danger and RISK
protection yes
always protected
danger lurks
RISK calls

laboring it here
Allie
body and spirit
engaged in the job ahead

a Daddy watches
helplessly watches
his seed full grown inside her
their love creation waiting to be revealed

a story of waiting
nothing to be done
but wait

Our Abba started this
created it
perfect parts- fitting perfectly together
to share the beginning of a person
a REAL LIVE person
a person built to be CONNECTED to YOU
born into a world built to distract
no
filled with people bent on distracton
in distraction we lose
focus
in losing focus
we clamor and flail and thrash around
doing damage
to ourselves
and
others
How can we tame the distractions?
for a young helpless being....
how can we help??

are we called to buffer?
Really Abba can we?
in buffering we protect
temporarily
NO
an infant needs our protection
US focused on YOU
TRUSTING YOU

WE must not be distracted

So today I pray
I wait
I give thanks

and then born at 8:56 pm June 17 weighing 8 lbs and 8 oz. 20 and 1/2 inches long
Jameson
Wow
Thank you Abba for him for that day.....
praying for us.... women...crazy women and passive men.

praying a hunger for You
praying a hunger only for You, not relief from our circumstances.

Ps 86
11-17 Train me, God, to walk straight;
then I'll follow your true path.
Put me together, one heart and mind;
then, undivided, I'll worship in joyful fear.
From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord;
I've never kept secret what you're up to.
You've always been great toward me—what love!
You snatched me from the brink of disaster!
God, these bullies have reared their heads!
A gang of thugs is after me—
and they don't care a thing about you.
But you, O God, are both tender and kind,
not easily angered, immense in love,
and you never, never quit.
So look me in the eye and show kindness,
give your servant the strength to go on,
save your dear, dear child!
Make a show of how much you love me
so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed,
As you, God, gently and powerfully
put me back on my feet.

With hearts and minds trusting in You, not fighting for what we want.....undivided

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

wanting to post on twitter but too scared to put it out there....

wondering if it's true that we're crazy but they're passive, where's the hope? we=women they=men and yes i gots me some crazy

i do see my crazy and I do see in the past how Papa's passivity has contributed to where we are now....I see him though growing out of it and yet my crazy seems all the more prevalent??

he's winning the battle and i'm still fighting?? My crazy seems so confusing, it's about me wanting what I want all the freakin time.

so to my girls......daughters and grands I got nuthin......no that's not true....it's in there see how our will's fight against Yours...

to my sons and grands.....it's in there too....don't BE passive. lean heavily into Him, get into His word and fight for what He wants MORE than against our crazy, maybe being in the Word, seeing how we all fall far away from what He wants, trust that He's in that too...that He has us fighting against wanting what we want and desperate to want what He does....I don't know how to do it other than to tell you it's a FIGHT. one that as warriors, men of integrity and RISK when you fight to KNOW Him, be obedient to Him we (women) see it and want you to win.

i know our (women's) battle is to do the same. I know that but in our powerlessness in a world dominated by men we can feel defeat so quickly ......and you MEN are made to FIGHT. i know putting alot onto you men....but didn't He make you to BE our leaders?? Yes we're gonna fight against it, against you...wish i had more hope for you, it's gonna be rough, we're crazy remember.

see these are new thoughts a fresh admission of my sin and.......I guess it's owning my own CRAZY and not putting thoughts out there that are not thought out.....

please to my kids and precious Grands who read this in the future...i hope and pray you saw me fighting against the crazy, the wanting what I want........I know you see Papa coming out of a passivity, into a God dependence that is very attractive.

i pray in watching your parents lean into Him, loving Jesus, His Word, trusting His Spirit you are seeing something that is more than can be put into words....that you are going to be way more confused and soft and desperate for Him and that my dears...is a very good thing.

Monday, June 20, 2011

We can't give away what we don't have and we will give away what we do.

Erwin McManus: The path we choose to walk affects the lives of those closest to us.

Parents this is stuff to pray on and I promise to pray for you ....1 Timothy 2:1 The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I have a new Grand….which means one of our children has had a child….Jameson Garnett Kenealy born 8:56 pm on June 17th. Via C-section after a lot of hard labor by our DIL Allison and son Jared. What a day it was too. Watching them ‘labor’ into parenthood, surrounded by this amazing loving community of people. What I will remember is praying in the waiting room, this group of people centering and holding hands and lifting up Allison and Jared, the Drs. and Nurses…connected in that moment and praying. It was beautiful, he is beautiful and helpless and dependent on a Mommy and Daddy, broken and beautiful parents.

And then this morning so moved by the readings¸ especially Psalm 82:5 Ignorant judges! Head in the sand judges! They haven’t a clue what’s going on. And now everything is falling apart, the world coming unglued.

Can’t help but change judges to ‘parents’. Looking back on my own ‘parenting’, a generation blinded by stuff and things….raised by a generation who thought stuff and things was the way to go, raised by a generation without, thinking acquiring the stuff and things was the way to go, providing what hadn’t been provided to them because of lack?? I don’t know how to share my observations of this morning without just writing, my thoughts.

We raised a generation without imagination and now expect them to raise a generation not needing stimulation…constant stimulation, a barrage of sounds and lights and media and information. We went to a Royals ballgame recently and the actual ballgame was such a small part of the experience…there was a myriad of foods and media and even at the top of the stadium a playground where the ballgame isn’t even visible. We are blinded by sounds and lights and media and playgrounds while YOU are in the whisper….we raised a generation not knowing, afraid of silence, of lack ……..

Parents…Head in the sand, blinded parents….without a clue to what’s going on…passing their addictions down and now the world is coming unglued…Pay attention to God…Jesus…the Holy Spirit….Your spouse and then your children ….and in that order…….in the quiet it takes to get to THAT order….HE WILL WHISPER what’s next……His time…His order….His will. And oh my children what JOY comes from that submitting, surrender. Who knows what a generation raised in THAT surrender will be able to accomplish…what RISKS they will experience, what JOYS. Are you willing to enter into the silence and surrender to give your children something you never had?

Friday, June 17, 2011

It's Baby Day!!

9 months we've been waiting to meet this newest addition to not only our family but to the world....
9 months of waiting and praying and dreaming of what he or she is gonna look like.

and now allie is about to labor this new being into the world...allie and jared are about to become a family......i had trouble sleeping last nite, not really worrying but if i were to be honest there is in any childbirth concerns....mama works hard, daddy feels helpless and watches his wife labor and be uncomfortable and they don't call it labor pains for nuthin......

so praying today for momma and baby...for daddy to be centered in and on YOU, Your Son...that Your Spirit guide and protect all of them.

Monday, June 6, 2011

I love the Bible, I love to watch others fall in love with it, to fall in love with He who wrote it, inspired the stories written and lived in it.....finding them selves deeply loved and more loving...... I read it every day not because I have to but because I love it. I love the connection it seems to offer me to someone who knew me before I was born . Who knows and calls me to a different way of thinking, being........who knows me and forgives me....who helps me avoid shame and being all about me to thinking more of and moving towards others.......who when I try to label and categorize others reminds me how little I know.....

I love it because I feel humbler and softer and more loving from reading it, still stubborn and rebellious and selfish and I pray somehow, someway my Grands come to love it the same. I pray for them to KNOW Jesus and allow that knowing to take them to a place of trusting Your Spirit to DO amazing things for Your Glory and I have not a clue what those things are.....

I pray that I talk about You, Jesus, Your Spirit in a way that isn't weird or off putting or rude or self righteous ....... I need Your help to know my own story and be able to tell it. I need to be quiet more than speak.......



Monday, May 30, 2011

I have a dream.....it's kind of a big one and for me who doesn't dream or plan or set goals.....wondering if it's impossible?
so how do i plan and trust God?
how do i persevere when my personality, bend towards life says........it's just too big and you're just too small?
how do i move towards something when i'm not sure about anything ?
how do i passionately patiently WAIT?

Romans 11: 2-6Do you remember that time Elijah was agonizing over this same Israel and cried out in prayer?

God, they murdered your prophets,
They trashed your altars;
I'm the only one left and now they're after me!
And do you remember God's answer?
I still have seven thousand who haven't quit,
Seven thousand who are loyal to the finish.

It's the same today. There's a fiercely loyal minority still—not many, perhaps, but probably more than you think. They're holding on, not because of what they think they're going to get out of it, but because they're convinced of God's grace and purpose in choosing them. If they were only thinking of their own immediate self-interest, they would have left long ago.

So if this dream or your dream is about Him..........don't quit

Friday, May 27, 2011

massive tornado in joplin

friends having a baby 3+ months early

lynz's bd and a wonderful day spent talking about You and watching her parent

newest grand coming oh so soon

missing and hearing about and so very anxious to see nehe from california

got the paperwork on our first Compassion child...pierre in haiti

so much has been going on and in it all Your voice says 'quiet...be still'

romans 8 vs. 11 It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!

and vs. 15 This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.

can' t get to the what's next Papa, until i live in the what's right now.....silence and solitude....a willing participant in what You are doing and grateful...so grateful Abba that You are...

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

perfectly content in the quiet of being alone this morning......

i think of my Granddaughter and her game this past week. She of the sensitive heart and manipulative spirit like her mom and gigi before her.....praying that Christ will be enough to break this cycle of ungratitude and self contempt......

she had a game and struck out 4 times, that's simply a fact and no criticque of how she swings. Her Papa says she has a beautiful swing. And i believe him, I really do...esthetically a beautiful swing. She simply doesn't connect with the ball...doesn't keep her eye on the ball....swings before the ball is anywhere close to the plate. Her Papa says she has a beautiful swing....even as he said it I wondered if our Abba doesn't think the same of us....having given us everything we need to 'hit it' and we.......fail to trust the instincts He placed in us. Not our hearts, they are not to be trusted but an 'instinct'.......I don't...see I don't know how to communicate something...really anything but the 'instinct' to want to, to maybe even be able to, is lost in wanting to 'hit it out of the park' and not simply connect with the ball.....

but the instinct......to want everyone to know You is in me....please Abba help me.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

PSALM 78

Vs. 8 A fickle and faithless bunch who never stayed true to God.

11 They forgot what he had done—.....

17-18 .....rebel in the desert against the High God. They tried to get their own way with God, clamored for favors, for special attention. They whined like spoiled children, .....
(minimized and trivialized what You'd done and do)

29....... he handed them everything they craved on a platter. .....But their greed knew no bounds...
(
He gave them exactly what they asked for— but along with it they got an empty heart. Ps. 106:15
)

37 They could not have cared less about him, wanted nothing to do with his Covenant.
(chasing after solutions instead of Him = nothingness)

It's not about us
never about us
about You and Your Glory

A good- GREAT Psalm to BE reminded of Your relentless love
A love we can't contain
DRENCHED with it



Love........Expect nothing.........Pray







Monday, May 16, 2011

There's this guy out there right now predicting that the world is gonna end May 21st. I don't for a moment believes he knows as the Bible clearly states we are NOT gonna know. What his prediction, in combination of the last couple of weeks of I wills has done in me though is create this great, uncomfortable hyper-awareness and spiritual tension.

I talk alot, the amount of words I have used in 55 years is I am sure mind-boggling, problem is not sure if even 1/2 of what I have said was worth saying. And that is creating in me this embarrassment and shame. And still, even in feeling this call, pull to LISTEN there is this immense battle to talk. :(

So this week I will with the help of Your Spirit LISTEN and needing even more help... wait and see if there is anything at all I am to say. Seriously God help me this week.....probably will write more here and hopefully, prayerfully see You at work in me.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

visiting w/some women this morning about 'relationships'........wish i could articulate what my relationship w/Christ is like. and wondering what people see in me because of my relationship w/Jesus.....my Abba...the Holy Spirit.
i figure i talk a good game and here in my chair with You it FEELS like it's all good.
do i listen and obey?
what kinds of things do i 'hear'?
what do i DO with what i have heard?
do i hear You because of the relationship or because YOU are God?
let's face it You can do whatever it is YOU want to do and whether or not i am listening makes a whit of difference to You. is that right?
am i trying to 'humanize' something that is supernatural?

and then i read matthew 27: 12-14But when the accusations rained down hot and heavy from the high priests and religious leaders, he said nothing. Pilate asked him, "Do you hear that long list of accusations? Aren't you going to say something?" Jesus kept silence—not a word from his mouth. The governor was impressed, really impressed.

i talk too much....i will today listen and in my head and heart cry out to You.........be still and KNOW that YOU are God....

Monday, May 9, 2011

Matthew 26

vs. 56.......Then all the disciples cut and ran.

That verse just in it's starkness....cuts deep. Just before in reading Ps. 71 I wanted to be that guy, David, confidently begging God to never let him be shamed about his belief and confidence in You......I think it's scary for me right now and in this passion for You, Your Son....Your Spirit may not be enough and I will .....give up, run away?

I read further and Jesus in the garden.....his friends/disciples unable to even stay awake with Him and His grace with them....alone...all alone and still trusting.....Judas and the guards come and ........He didn't fight and He didn't run......I used to run away and now I fight so hard against crap that doesn't make any difference......thinking I need to learn what to fight for...how to fight for something.... and maybe....maybe.....it's all about developing TRUST IN YOU????

I think this is the example for us.....to grasp, that focused on You....we can endure...persevere.....I am just so afraid I will cut and run.

btw.....I think Danielle is the only one who reads here that doesn't have 'author' privileges if you want to see some beautiful new family photos...go to www.brightonroadphotography and in clients type in baby k........sigh


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Matthew 22

Verses 29-33Jesus answered, "You're off base on two counts: You don't know your Bibles, and you don't know how God works. At the resurrection we're beyond marriage. As with the angels, all our ecstasies and intimacies then will be with God. And regarding your speculation on whether the dead are raised or not, don't you read your Bibles? The grammar is clear: God says, 'I am—not was—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob.' The living God defines himself not as the God of dead men, but of the living." Hearing this exchange the crowd was much impressed.

When Mommy and Daddy read their Bibles I hope you see them getting to know God. I hope and pray you see them getting softer and more loving and obedient to Him. I grew up w/only a 'thought' of God, never knowing Him or His word. Also not like some who grew up thinking that reading their Bibles made them MORE saved or smart, so I like that too. The Bible is His love letter to us, His way of letting us in on His thoughts and ways, not to think we can know all His thoughts and plans, He is after all God and we are simply His children and like Children w/the very best parent to know His love for us. To TRUST His plan.
TRUST that's a big word and filled w/wonder and hope. I am pretty sure you are going to be let down by the people you trust and while that makes me sad for you I want to remind you that HE is not a person that will let you down. Now you are not going to always know His ways because....because ....well He IS God after all and there are going to be things that happen that you just won't, can't know WHY. Whoa that's tough isn't it? That's where trusting in something, someone BIGGER than you will help.
The only way we can trust someone is to know them and that's where the Bible comes in, reading it will help you to know who He is, was and always will be no matter what we FEEL.
I have alot of 'feelings' and am learning that while He gave me the power to feel I am not always to TRUST them and have to ....HAVE TO look at them but not always believe or TRUST them. And when I remember that if I can't trust my feelings who/what can I trust and that usually brings me right back to Him and His love.
I pray that you all come to Know Him this way, that you sense His pursuit of you to LOVE you to a way of life that may not always make sense HERE but when you get to Heaven..well it will.
I love you all so much and pray that His love takes you places I never dreamed of going and that in the 'going' you all find that His ways, plans and trusting those ways, that you find a life of such RISK and JOY and LOVE........love Gigi

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

to my precious Kids and Grands...
i mostly live in what i 'can't'....

i pray you live and love and grow in looking only to Him and live deeply in what you can.....

Monday, May 2, 2011

He gave them exactly what they asked for—
but along with it they got an empty heart.
Psalm 106 vs 15

That verse this morning is kind of speaking to me and wanting to share my thoughts with you. On vacation Papa and I talked alot about FOCUS and becoming like children. One is in the Bible and the other is a word I am just drawn to, and we can talk about FOCUS later :) You all being amazing children I look to you for what that means and to your momma and daddy to see even more. You got good parents you know, not perfect of course but good God seeking parents and what they want for you is GOOD things. Now you may not always see them as GOOD....
like right now Emma is getting ready to get some braces on her teeth and while it may become uncomfortable the end result will be good teeth. Now Emma is probably going to not like her braces some days and she will have to remember the good it is doing when it hurts. She will have to remember what that contraption is doing in her mouth is HELPING to straightern her teeth... especially on the days when it hurts some. If her parents gave her what she wanted on those days and had the Orthodontist take it out... she would be unhappy later when her teeth aren't straight and maybe she wouldn't even be able to eat as well.
So I watch you and your momma and daddy and think.
I watch your momma and daddy be sad that it hurts you but know that they KNOW how important braces are and I think of all the things my Papa, Abba, God does in my life that i may not like or may not FEEL good and I have to remember that He loves me and is doing what is BEST. And if I keep on wanting and wanting what i want MORE than what He wants I could end up with that empty heart....So like Lynz and Paul, he will be sad with me, hurt with me like they hurt with Emma... and yet I HAVE to TrusT that He loves me and knows best.

I love you all so much and PRAY that you in your lives seek Him with your whole hearts and minds and wills and learn to want what He wants for you more than what you may want. Gigi