Monday, May 30, 2011

I have a's kind of a big one and for me who doesn't dream or plan or set goals.....wondering if it's impossible?
so how do i plan and trust God?
how do i persevere when my personality, bend towards life's just too big and you're just too small?
how do i move towards something when i'm not sure about anything ?
how do i passionately patiently WAIT?

Romans 11: 2-6Do you remember that time Elijah was agonizing over this same Israel and cried out in prayer?

God, they murdered your prophets,
They trashed your altars;
I'm the only one left and now they're after me!
And do you remember God's answer?
I still have seven thousand who haven't quit,
Seven thousand who are loyal to the finish.

It's the same today. There's a fiercely loyal minority still—not many, perhaps, but probably more than you think. They're holding on, not because of what they think they're going to get out of it, but because they're convinced of God's grace and purpose in choosing them. If they were only thinking of their own immediate self-interest, they would have left long ago.

So if this dream or your dream is about Him..........don't quit

Friday, May 27, 2011

massive tornado in joplin

friends having a baby 3+ months early

lynz's bd and a wonderful day spent talking about You and watching her parent

newest grand coming oh so soon

missing and hearing about and so very anxious to see nehe from california

got the paperwork on our first Compassion child...pierre in haiti

so much has been going on and in it all Your voice says ' still'

romans 8 vs. 11 It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!

and vs. 15 This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.

can' t get to the what's next Papa, until i live in the what's right now.....silence and solitude....a willing participant in what You are doing and grateful Abba that You are...

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

perfectly content in the quiet of being alone this morning......

i think of my Granddaughter and her game this past week. She of the sensitive heart and manipulative spirit like her mom and gigi before her.....praying that Christ will be enough to break this cycle of ungratitude and self contempt......

she had a game and struck out 4 times, that's simply a fact and no criticque of how she swings. Her Papa says she has a beautiful swing. And i believe him, I really do...esthetically a beautiful swing. She simply doesn't connect with the ball...doesn't keep her eye on the ball....swings before the ball is anywhere close to the plate. Her Papa says she has a beautiful swing....even as he said it I wondered if our Abba doesn't think the same of us....having given us everything we need to 'hit it' and to trust the instincts He placed in us. Not our hearts, they are not to be trusted but an 'instinct'.......I don't...see I don't know how to communicate something...really anything but the 'instinct' to want to, to maybe even be able to, is lost in wanting to 'hit it out of the park' and not simply connect with the ball.....

but the want everyone to know You is in me....please Abba help me.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Vs. 8 A fickle and faithless bunch who never stayed true to God.

11 They forgot what he had done—.....

17-18 .....rebel in the desert against the High God. They tried to get their own way with God, clamored for favors, for special attention. They whined like spoiled children, .....
(minimized and trivialized what You'd done and do)

29....... he handed them everything they craved on a platter. .....But their greed knew no bounds...
He gave them exactly what they asked for— but along with it they got an empty heart. Ps. 106:15

37 They could not have cared less about him, wanted nothing to do with his Covenant.
(chasing after solutions instead of Him = nothingness)

It's not about us
never about us
about You and Your Glory

A good- GREAT Psalm to BE reminded of Your relentless love
A love we can't contain
DRENCHED with it

Love........Expect nothing.........Pray

Monday, May 16, 2011

There's this guy out there right now predicting that the world is gonna end May 21st. I don't for a moment believes he knows as the Bible clearly states we are NOT gonna know. What his prediction, in combination of the last couple of weeks of I wills has done in me though is create this great, uncomfortable hyper-awareness and spiritual tension.

I talk alot, the amount of words I have used in 55 years is I am sure mind-boggling, problem is not sure if even 1/2 of what I have said was worth saying. And that is creating in me this embarrassment and shame. And still, even in feeling this call, pull to LISTEN there is this immense battle to talk. :(

So this week I will with the help of Your Spirit LISTEN and needing even more help... wait and see if there is anything at all I am to say. Seriously God help me this week.....probably will write more here and hopefully, prayerfully see You at work in me.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

visiting w/some women this morning about 'relationships'........wish i could articulate what my relationship w/Christ is like. and wondering what people see in me because of my relationship w/ Abba...the Holy Spirit.
i figure i talk a good game and here in my chair with You it FEELS like it's all good.
do i listen and obey?
what kinds of things do i 'hear'?
what do i DO with what i have heard?
do i hear You because of the relationship or because YOU are God?
let's face it You can do whatever it is YOU want to do and whether or not i am listening makes a whit of difference to You. is that right?
am i trying to 'humanize' something that is supernatural?

and then i read matthew 27: 12-14But when the accusations rained down hot and heavy from the high priests and religious leaders, he said nothing. Pilate asked him, "Do you hear that long list of accusations? Aren't you going to say something?" Jesus kept silence—not a word from his mouth. The governor was impressed, really impressed.

i talk too much....i will today listen and in my head and heart cry out to still and KNOW that YOU are God....

Monday, May 9, 2011

Matthew 26

vs. 56.......Then all the disciples cut and ran.

That verse just in it's starkness....cuts deep. Just before in reading Ps. 71 I wanted to be that guy, David, confidently begging God to never let him be shamed about his belief and confidence in You......I think it's scary for me right now and in this passion for You, Your Son....Your Spirit may not be enough and I will .....give up, run away?

I read further and Jesus in the garden.....his friends/disciples unable to even stay awake with Him and His grace with them....alone...all alone and still trusting.....Judas and the guards come and ........He didn't fight and He didn't run......I used to run away and now I fight so hard against crap that doesn't make any difference......thinking I need to learn what to fight to fight for something.... and's all about developing TRUST IN YOU????

I think this is the example for grasp, that focused on You....we can endure...persevere.....I am just so afraid I will cut and run.

btw.....I think Danielle is the only one who reads here that doesn't have 'author' privileges if you want to see some beautiful new family photos...go to www.brightonroadphotography and in clients type in baby k........sigh

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Matthew 22

Verses 29-33Jesus answered, "You're off base on two counts: You don't know your Bibles, and you don't know how God works. At the resurrection we're beyond marriage. As with the angels, all our ecstasies and intimacies then will be with God. And regarding your speculation on whether the dead are raised or not, don't you read your Bibles? The grammar is clear: God says, 'I am—not was—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob.' The living God defines himself not as the God of dead men, but of the living." Hearing this exchange the crowd was much impressed.

When Mommy and Daddy read their Bibles I hope you see them getting to know God. I hope and pray you see them getting softer and more loving and obedient to Him. I grew up w/only a 'thought' of God, never knowing Him or His word. Also not like some who grew up thinking that reading their Bibles made them MORE saved or smart, so I like that too. The Bible is His love letter to us, His way of letting us in on His thoughts and ways, not to think we can know all His thoughts and plans, He is after all God and we are simply His children and like Children w/the very best parent to know His love for us. To TRUST His plan.
TRUST that's a big word and filled w/wonder and hope. I am pretty sure you are going to be let down by the people you trust and while that makes me sad for you I want to remind you that HE is not a person that will let you down. Now you are not going to always know His ways because....because ....well He IS God after all and there are going to be things that happen that you just won't, can't know WHY. Whoa that's tough isn't it? That's where trusting in something, someone BIGGER than you will help.
The only way we can trust someone is to know them and that's where the Bible comes in, reading it will help you to know who He is, was and always will be no matter what we FEEL.
I have alot of 'feelings' and am learning that while He gave me the power to feel I am not always to TRUST them and have to ....HAVE TO look at them but not always believe or TRUST them. And when I remember that if I can't trust my feelings who/what can I trust and that usually brings me right back to Him and His love.
I pray that you all come to Know Him this way, that you sense His pursuit of you to LOVE you to a way of life that may not always make sense HERE but when you get to Heaven..well it will.
I love you all so much and pray that His love takes you places I never dreamed of going and that in the 'going' you all find that His ways, plans and trusting those ways, that you find a life of such RISK and JOY and Gigi

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

to my precious Kids and Grands...
i mostly live in what i 'can't'....

i pray you live and love and grow in looking only to Him and live deeply in what you can.....

Monday, May 2, 2011

He gave them exactly what they asked for—
but along with it they got an empty heart.
Psalm 106 vs 15

That verse this morning is kind of speaking to me and wanting to share my thoughts with you. On vacation Papa and I talked alot about FOCUS and becoming like children. One is in the Bible and the other is a word I am just drawn to, and we can talk about FOCUS later :) You all being amazing children I look to you for what that means and to your momma and daddy to see even more. You got good parents you know, not perfect of course but good God seeking parents and what they want for you is GOOD things. Now you may not always see them as GOOD....
like right now Emma is getting ready to get some braces on her teeth and while it may become uncomfortable the end result will be good teeth. Now Emma is probably going to not like her braces some days and she will have to remember the good it is doing when it hurts. She will have to remember what that contraption is doing in her mouth is HELPING to straightern her teeth... especially on the days when it hurts some. If her parents gave her what she wanted on those days and had the Orthodontist take it out... she would be unhappy later when her teeth aren't straight and maybe she wouldn't even be able to eat as well.
So I watch you and your momma and daddy and think.
I watch your momma and daddy be sad that it hurts you but know that they KNOW how important braces are and I think of all the things my Papa, Abba, God does in my life that i may not like or may not FEEL good and I have to remember that He loves me and is doing what is BEST. And if I keep on wanting and wanting what i want MORE than what He wants I could end up with that empty heart....So like Lynz and Paul, he will be sad with me, hurt with me like they hurt with Emma... and yet I HAVE to TrusT that He loves me and knows best.

I love you all so much and PRAY that you in your lives seek Him with your whole hearts and minds and wills and learn to want what He wants for you more than what you may want. Gigi