Thursday, May 27, 2010


I don't know for sure what I want to say...I think I've said it.....I think I wanted you to listen to me.....

I probably said things wrong...things that hit you wrong....and you stopped listening and then, well then I stopped talking and I was wrong again...

so what should say is "i'm sorry'

I love you and I am sorry.......THEN maybe you would be able to hear.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

You are so damn creative!
I hope you know who gives you all that....I hope you Thank Him daily for it.
I hope you don't regret being driven by it...nope change that.... I hope you are not being driven by it...........of course all this hoping is because I don't know you.....never took the time to try and keep up and in that time discover who you really are....I am sorry for that and yet there is a part of me that is angry. Not sure if it's at me or you?
You are a painful person to rub up against and I guess I hope in avoiding that pain I didn't miss out on something MORE you could have taught me.

THANKS for all that you did teach family, mothering changed because of how you shared your journey. Sometimes I am not sure that was all for the good but that's in the times I forget that it IS a journey and where I was when I met you is not where I am now...thanks for all that you taught me.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

"thinking about being Baptized."

If you're ready YES

"waiting for hubs"

so do you talk about it?

"I don't want to push him"


When these kinds of conversations come up I am just a wreck inside. I pushed mine...I prayed for and pushed him..I would lay my hand over his heart every nite and I advise that? YES YES YES.....the praying for and pushing without expectation...pushing towards a lively interactive relationship w/Christ...oooh boy was it rough...we fought and said horrible things to each other in the battles.....but somehow it was always OK.....we simply were learning after years of NOT communicating to communicate. After years of ignoring and sucking it up, learning how to tell each other how and what we felt....learning how to point each other to an inside look, trusting somehow in our ignorance and new found faith that You had a plan for us to BE different....but see I write here because it don't make sense...I don't communicate in ways that are understandable and maybe...maybe writing it here I will learn.....because to communicate and be understood is one of my deepest longings and that that communication would be about You, about Christ...that excites me alot.